Tales from the cirque du freak
by AllTimeNatalie
Summary: A failed proposal, a lost baby and a vampire having a mid-life crisis…yep that’s the cirque. A series of one-shot stories for your enjoyment. :P Please R&R and go easy on me. it's my first go at one with humor.
1. The engagement party

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to cirque du freak or any of the characters in it.

SUMMARY: A failed proposal, a lost baby and a vampire having a mid-life crisis…yep that's the cirque. A series of one-shot stories for your enjoyment. :P

A/N: Set before Evra and Merla were married so they have no children yet.

TITLE: Tales from the Cirque du Freak

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**Chapter one- The engagement party**

"Cool dude, have you got the ring?" Checking the pocket in his shorts, Evra started to panic. "Other pocket?" Digging his hand in, he pulled out a box with a sparkling ring inside of it.

"Phew, that was close. I thought I'd lost it." His voice was shaky and nervous. "So all I say is- Merla, will you be my wife?" Shaking his head, Darren took the ring from Evra and reassured him about what he had to do.

"No, you say – Merla, will you marry me? Then when she says yes, you slip the ring on to her finger and voila you are engaged." Placing the ring onto his finger, he admired it then tried to pull it off. "Evra, it won't come off!" Staring at a desperate Darren who was trying to prise the ring off his finger, he ran over to him and urgently tried to get it off.

"It has to come off Darren I'm gonna propose to her soon." Evra cried hurriedly, still trying to get the ring off Darren's finger. "Butter! Try butter to get it off." Running over to the fridge, he grabbed some butter and spread t onto Darren's finger. "Why do you have to have such chubby fingers?"

"I have chubby fingers! You'd be screwed if I was Mr Tiny, have you seen his fingers?" Chuckling at what Darren had just said, Evra tried again to prise it off. Mr Crepsley then walked in as the ring was flung across the room, landing in his mouth when he went to speak.

"Is this yours Mr Von?" Mr Crepsley said as he pulled the ring out of his mouth. Taking it from him, Evra dried it off and placed it in the box.

"Thanks. I should go and ask her then." When Evra had left, Darren turned to Mr Crepsley and smirked mischievously.

"Any good at throwing parties? It's obvious she'll say yes so are you in." He sighed and rolled his eyes before answering.

"Master Shan, I am not good t throwing parties and I would rather not if you don't mind." His voice was so matter of fact and he never used slang.

"Tut, tut, tut, using slang Mr Crepsley. Come on, I know you want to!" He finally agreed before walking back to his coffin. "Oh wait, why d'ya come in here? Did you want something?" Shaking his head, Mr Crepsley pulled open the door and strolled out of the door before wondering back in again.

"Oh yes there was actually something. Will you be training tomorrow?" Nodding Darren smiled and opened the door for the vampire. "See you later Darren." With that, he put his hood back up and walked out into the afternoon sunshine. He had to wear a cape otherwise he would sizzle up and well, wouldn't see anyone that night. The party was scheduled for that night and everyone pitched in. Darren was putting some old board games away when Evra walked in curiously.

"Dude, what's up with everyone? They're all too busy to hang out today?" Darren smiled before closing the cupboard and answering Evra.

"Nothing's up, we're all just busy that's all." With that, he walked out of the room and left Evra staring at the wall. "Oh and dude, there's a party tonight in Gertha's tent. Be there?" He nodded and followed Darren out of the tent. Now it was time for Evra to pop the question to Merla and he walked to her tent nervously. She was the only person apart from him who wasn't busy that day which he was glad to know because he had an important thing to ask her.

"Merla, I have an important question to ask you." He sat Merla down and got down on one knee. "Will you marry me?" She looked down dejectedly and then back up at a hopeful Evra.

"Evra, I can't because I'm not ready for that commitment. Maybe in the future but not now, not yet, why does this ring have butter on it?" He nodded and sighed. He was actually glad because well, he wasn't sure if he was ready yet.

"Oh, okay then well do you wanna go to a party tonight in Gertha's tent? About the butter, long story you'd probably not want to hear." Nodding she stood up and walked out of the tent holding Evra's hand in hers. That night came as they walked to the tent in excitement. The cirque never through any parties and it was a little strange but still, a party was a party. Darren peered out of the tent door then shouted at the top his voice.

"They're coming! Everyone places quickly." He turned off the lights and dived under the party table before screaming loudly when something patted his shoulder.

"Hello Darren, when will they be here?" He swivelled round to see Mr Crepsley sat there with a large grin on his face. He was unusually happy tonight and had a chirpy tone of voice as appose to the dreary, miserable one he was used to.

"Soon so be quiet." Darren snapped at the vampire. The door swung open as everyone jumped out of their places and shouted 'Surprise!' at the top of their voices. Evra ran a hand along his scaly neck frantically, implying that it didn't go well.

"Guys, you didn't need to do that really." His voice was annoyed and forceful but everyone saw over it and smiled while Darren stepped up to the front so he was in front of Evra.

"Well what can I say, I'm just awesome." Evra frowned and bit his lip.

"No, you're just dead! She said no, so there isn't an engagement." Analyzing Evra's words, Darren paused and then continued.

"So there is no engagement?" Shaking his head Evra laughed at Darren's expression of confusedness and disappointment. "Well that's a bugger." Then a voice came from under the table and caused everyone to fall into hysterical laughter.

"Language Master Shan." Mr Crepsley commented whilst hitting his head on the buffet table and showing his face finally. Rubbing his head he smiled at Evra feebly and wandered off to the other side of the tent. "I'm sorry for your loss of marriage Evra." He added whilst he walked shamefacedly.

"Mr Crepsley, she only said no she isn't dead. You should've just said I'm sorry she said no and that would've been fine." Darren pointed out, acting like he knew everything about weddings.

"Yes well, we cannot all be so clever can we?" His voice was sarcastic as he glared at Darren. "Maybe I should smother you in your sleep." He said as he giggled quietly. Mr Crepsley never giggled so it was a big occasion clearly. The night carried on as they'd planned with just one flaw, Evra still wasn't married.

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A/N: So there you go. Don't forget to review thanks. XxX


	2. Two Vampires and a Snakechild

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to cirque du freak or any of the characters in it.

SUMMARY: A failed proposal, a lost baby and a vampire having a mid-life crisis…yep that's the cirque. A series of one-shot stories for your enjoyment. :P

A/N: This one is set when they have their children.

TITLE: Tales from the Cirque du Freak

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**Chapter 2: Two vampires and a snake-child. **

Racing up to Darren., Evra grabbed his shirt panted for breath.

"Darren buddy, I need you to watch Lilia tonight for me and Merla!" Nodding, Darren released Evra's grip and laughed.

"What's up with you? I don't mind watching her how hard can it be she's a baby? All she needs is to sleep, eat and drink right?" Evra calmed down at Darren's soothing voice and sat down on the chair behind him. "Drop off here before you go and we'll be fine." He was very chirpy today and had a jubilant sort of tone in his voice.

"Your right, I just need to calm down. Some one else is minding Shankus and Urcha but they couldn't handle three kids at one time. It means a lot Darren, thanks." Shaking his head as though to say- 'It's no problem' Darren disappeared out of the tent and into the afternoon air, passing Shankus on the way who was jumping up and down franticly.

"Hey, look at me Uncle Darren, I'm flying!" Smiling at the excited young boy, he continued to Crepsley's tent.

"Mr Crepsley I need a favour to ask. Can you help me look after Lilia?"

"Are the curtains closed?" Re-assuring Crepsley that he was in complete darkness, Darren lifted the coffin lid to see a slightly tired looking vampire. "I hate children Darren so no I will not help." With that he closed the lid and tried his hardest to fall asleep.

"Please Mr C. C'mon do this for a pal, an old buddy."

"Fine, I will do it but you have to stay out of my tent for a week!" Agreeing, Darren wondered out of Crepsley's tent contentedly.


	3. MidLife Crepsley

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to cirque du freak or any of the characters in it.

SUMMARY: A failed proposal, a lost baby and a vampire having a mid-life crisis…yep that's the cirque. A series of one-shot stories for your enjoyment. :P

TITLE: Tales from the Cirque du Freak

**Chapter three- Mid-life Crepsley**

After they had gotten over the initial shock of loosing Lilia, they returned to their tents and prepared their coffins. Morning came as Darren yawned and stretched as best he could inside of his coffin. Hitting his elbow on the lid, he yelped in pain and lifted the coffin lid as light seeped in through the windows of the tent.

"Dude get up, it's morning." He threw a pillow at Evra and watched as the sleepy snake-boy rolled out of the hammock and landed with a thump.

"Ouch! Oh morning. It's half two in the afternoon, we need to invest in an alarm clock. Merla won't be happy, I had to meet her two hours ago. What's the plan for today?" Evra asked whilst hauling himself up off the ground and looking over at the pile of toys from the night before. "How was she? Was she a hand full? I'm sorry dude, she sometimes annoys the hell out of us."

"Babysitting is a lot harder than I thought. As for today well, I'm gonna go check on Crepsley. He hasn't been himself lately and I'm worried that's all." His voice hushed when he got to the end. He hated admitting that he cared about Crepsley. He had always cared but would never admit it because he knew that it would go straight to his head.

"You're worried? Ha-ha-ha that is rich now really go on what's the plan for today?" Darren smiled sheepishly and hesitated. He couldn't think of anything else but had to speak before he got suspicious.

"Yeah, it is rich. The real plan is…umm…well…we…I…" Evra chuckled and patter Darren on the arm.

"I was messin' with ya dude. Go and see him, I've been a little freaked out myself."

"Ya mean worried?"

"No freaked out. He was talking to himself in the mirror yesterday, how freaky is that?" He said whilst keeping back the laughter that was building up inside of him. Darren left him to control his amusement and started for Crepsley's tent. When he arrived, he knocked oon the door to be greeted by…

"Come in, I will be glad of the company." Now he knew why Evra was freaked out. He pushed open the door as it creaked and widened his eyes at what he saw. Mr Crepsley…in front…of a mirror; he always said that mirrors were for those with no self-belief and now he was stood in front of one.

"Mr Crepsley, what's all this?" There were about a dozen shopping bags in the middle of the floor which Darren had almost fallen over. Mr Crepsley just grinned widely and checked his hair.

"I've been shopping." He exclaimed with a happy sort of tone in his voice.

"What are you goin' on a date or something?" He simply shook his head and pulled a new cape out of the paper bag in front of him.

"No, I just felt like it. Is that so bad, Darren?"

"Umm, no there's nothing wrong with it. Are we feeding tonight?" Mr Crepsley made sure the curtains were drew so that he didn't burn up and smiled again.

"No, I used to enjoy it but it gets me depressed now. I would rather have it bottled thank you. I have taken an interest in painting, look!" He picked up some canvas board and shoved it in Darren's face.

"Oh yeah umm nice, it's a…a…um…what is it?" He was puzzled about the drawing and looked at it from different angles. It had a black blob on it with lines coming out of it and spots on it.

"It's Madam Octa of course. Look, here's her body and her legs and those are the dots on her back. I thought it was obvious." Darren nodded and laughed before trying to cheer up the vampire.

"I knew that, I was just testing you." Mr Crepsley nodded and turned to face the mirror again. "What are you doing now?" Darren asked impatiently.

"Do I need a haircut? Maybe it lacks lustre; it isn't as shiny as it used to be." Mr Crepsley ran his fingers through his hair and turned to face Darren. "Darren, let me see your hair, your hair has a lot of lustre right?" Darren nodded as he watched the vampire turn to face the mirror once more. "I do not even recognise myself anymore. I haven't slept much; my sleeping patterns have changed rapidly. I have not had the want to have blood much and I want soup all of the time. I put blood in it so that I will not die but that is another thing. I keep thinking about death and wondering about the nature of it. What is happening to me?" Darren laughed hysterically at the ever more serious vampire.

"Sounds like a midlife crisis to me. Ha-ha, a midlife Crepsley even. Wow, you have let yourself go man!" The laughter kept coming until he turned to see a violin in the corner.

"I uh… I have taken an interest in musical instruments." He grinned as Darren picked it up and waltzed out of his tent, fully knowing that he couldn't follow him. "Darren, come back with my violin. Darren!" He popped his head back into the tent and saw Mr Crepsley stood at the mirror again.

"What?" He looked at Darren with an uncomfortable expression and sighed.

"Would you like to as you say…um…hang out?" Darren's mouth gaped open at his thought. "Well?"

"Why the hell would you want to hang out with me?"

"Well because your ideas stimulate me." Darren nodded as the sun set and he grabbed his coat which he had left the night before. They had a 'boy's night' with Evra, Loaf head and Mr Tall in Crepsley's tent and Darren had left his jacket. "Let us go the." The two vampires set off to 'hang out' together. They called it mentor and assistant bonding time and went for walk through the woods. Darren was sat in a tree whilst Mr Crepsley leaned against the rough bark and sat on the damp grass enjoying the midnight breeze.

"So what are you gonna do about your midlife crisis?" Darren asked while dissecting a leaf.

"I do not know. What am I doing with my life?" Darren dangled his legs over the branch and jumped down so he was next to Mr Crepsley. The fall went worse than anticipated and he landed on Crepsley, causing him to wheeze in pain. "Master Shan, please get off of me!" He rolled of Mr Crepsley and landed on his back. "What do you think I should do?" He lay down beside Darren on the grass and the two stared at the clusters of stars that hung in the night sky.

"Umm, I got it! Why don't you try to be young again?"

"What do you mean?" Darren turned his head to face a bewildered Mr Crepsley.

"I mean that you do all of the stuff you did when you were my age. Like dyeing your hair or talkin' slang like me, pickin' up girls ha-ha." He nudged Mr Crepsley as he nodded eagerly.

"Yes, what a great idea, but how will I learn again?" Darren rolled his eyes at the stupid comment and laughed.

"I'd mentor you idiot. Just do as I do and you'll be fine." He agreed as the two headed back to the camp grounds. They slept all through the day as they only got back late. Darren's eyelids fluttered open as he heard a dragging noise coming from outside of his coffin. He lifted the lid to see what the noise was about. "What the hell are you doing?" Mr Crepsley dropped the coffin and smiled.

"I thought that I would move my coffin into your tent so that I could follow your every move. How will I be like you if I do not share a tent with you?" Darren grumbled for a while then lay back down and shut the lid. "Darren, I am bored."

"Try sleeping again." Darren groaned. It was slightly muffled as it travelled through the coffin lid but Crepsley just complained more.

"I am not tired. Can we not go somewhere?" Standing up, an agitated Darren led him out of the tent. "Right, now start your lessons." He smiled happily at Darren and followed him to a bench. Darren felt important teaching his mentor but was wary not to sound big headed.

"I'm gonna teach you to talk in imperfect English. So, after me- I'm not that tired." He repeated it word by word, checking that Seba wasn't around to pull out his ear hairs. "Good. Now nighty-night Larten." He said as he went to walk back into the tent but was pulled back and landed on the bench with a crash. "Okay, fine I won't go. Look over there, see that woman go and chat 'er up."

"I cannot…can't because I am not…I'm not attracted to her." Darren pushed him towards her and stepped back. "Fine, I'm going." When he got to her he smiled as she smiled back. "Yo, homies, I…um…noticed how shiny your hair was. Is that because of how greasy it is?" She slapped him across the face as he saw stars and fell onto Darren. "What did I say?" 

"Well, enough. That wasn't a complement, that was an insult you should've said that her hair was shiny and soft or her eyes were deep and glistening pools of crystal clear blue. Nobody says Yo or homies, especially someone your age I mean you're so…old. Mr Crepsley?" He looked at the vampire suspiciously and smirked. "Are you crying?" Crepsley wiped away some tears and turned away from him.

"That was beautiful, Darren. Your words were memorizing. I was not crying, I was merely letting some moisture from my eyes." He looked at Mr Crepsley and smiled.

"Umm…thanks Mr C. You so were crying, you always cry to yourself at night when no one's watching. It isn't a secret, I've heard it." He smiled back as they stared into each others eyes and they connected. "We all go through midlife crises. Don't worry about it. I don't think you're _that_ old." He raised an eyebrow at Darren and turned away to face his tent.

"That is a lie obviously. Last week you called me 'old man'." Darren nodded as the two walked their separate ways. "Oh and Darren, thank you for teaching me how to feel young." He grinned as Darren turned to face him and walked over.

"No problem old man." He said as he patted Mr Crepsley's shoulder. "Oh are we agreed on one thing though, we do not do babysitting."

"Agreed on that." He chuckled and disappeared into the tent.

**A/N: There you go please review , there always welcome.**


	4. Fatherly Roles

DISCLAIMER: I own no rights to cirque du freak or any of the characters in it.

SUMMARY: A failed proposal, a lost baby and a vampire having a mid-life crisis…yep that's the cirque. A series of one-shot stories for your enjoyment. :P Mix of Books and Film.

TITLE: Tales from the Cirque du Freak

**Chapter four- Fatherly Role **

"Mr Crepsley!" Darren shouted running into the tent and almost knocking over his mentor.

"Oh, Darren I was just umm…" Darren stared at the TV then at Mr Crepsley then back again.

"Seriously? The Animal Channel, giraffe week and bear week, okay well I'm not sure I wanna know so I'll just sit here and wait for you to… whoa okay why is that giraffe doing that? Surely that, that is for the nine o'clock cut off!" Darren's voice took an ever so masculine tone on as his eyes glued to the TV screen.

"She is attracted to the male giraffe so she is…" Darren pulled a disgusted face and cut the vampire off before he could finish.

"I can see what she's doing. So… have you ever been the male giraffe with Arra as the female giraffe because…?" This time it was the vampire's turn to cut him short and he did so by turning off the TV and shooting a challenging expression in Darren's direction.

"I can see that you are not going to leave so what is it that you want?" Darren smiled innocently and handed a small piece of paper over. "You have a dentist appointment? Everyone thinks you are dead how the… I do not want to know but yes I will assist you." He nodded and handed the paper back over.

"I'm going to a different dentist down the road." There was a long silence which was broken by Darren's small whisper. "I was going to say that I've heard you talk about her. I wasn't implying anything. Vampires and their euphemisms." Mr Crepsley's expression was enough to show Darren that he should leave before he resented his words forever so he left the tent and watched as Crepsley turned the TV back on and let a disappointed sigh escape as the adverts came on and portrayed the TV agenda.

"Hmm, I wonder what happened." He whispered to himself. Back in the tent Darren picked up the phone and dialled the number emblazoned on the slab of paper.

"Hello this Darren Shan I was just wondering when my appointment is with Mr Bone." Darren tried to keep the laugh from escaping his throat as he said the name. What unfortunate man had the name Mr. T. Bone? When the woman came back she told him the date and time as horror struck him and he seemed to be in his vision of clear hell. His appointment was in half an hour! "Mr Crepsley help, help, help!" He screamed as Mr Crepsley turned the television off and gave an innocent grin.

"Darren, I was not watching the Animal Channel at all, I was watching the… Geography Channel, what is wrong?"

"My dentist appointment's in half an hour and…" Mr Crepsley raised an eyebrow and felt his lips curl into a goofy grin.

"Yes…" His voice urged Darren to spill the truth and the words poured out of his mouth like a waterfall.

"I'm afraid." Mr Crepsley did the unexpected. He didn't place an arm around Darren and tell him it would all be okay no, an outburst of howling and cackling escaped his mouth as Darren stared in horror and watched the tears of pure humour pour out of his eyes.

"Oh that is classic it really is now seriously get your coat and tidy yourself up I cannot be seen in public with you like that. I will get my cape, the one with a hood."

"No Mr Crepsley, I am not going to the dentist I can't because I've seen the films. One minute I'm sat in the chair the next I have a dentist drill through my neck." Mr Crepsley rolled his eyes and tightly gripped the younger vampire's wrist then dragged him out of the tent, the cape draping over his face shielding him from the deceitful sun. When the appointment was due, he dragged him in and threw him onto the chair.

"Now Darren, let me see inside your mouth." Tightly holding his mouth shut, Darren shook his head and looked over at Crepsley.

"Do not be so stupid boy open your mouth. Darren!" He shouted, a smirk spreading on his lips.

"Larte…" The dentist peered inside his mouth and held it open as he did his dentist duties then mournfully sighed. "What?"

"You need… a filling." His voice held gloom as Darren went wide eyed and shook his head.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

"Excuse me but what is a filling?" Mr Crepsley asked receiving a strange look from the dentist.

"A filling is when you have a small hole in your tooth so it needs filling in." A look of distaste washed over Crepsley as he shook his head and placed a hand on Darren's shoulder.

"I am not sure that I would like my assistant having a hole filled in with his tooth. I have a strong feeling of revulsion and I have to ask as his guardian and parental figure will it hurt him?" The dentist shook his head and looked back at Darren.

"No, it will not hurt at all Mr Shan it will be quick and painless." Mr Crepsley's eyes thinned as a deep hatred span in them.

"Oh, I am not Mr Shan… never mind just get on with it I am very busy." He slumped back in the chair and watched, flinching at the whirring sound of the tool. "Is he okay?" He asked peering over Darren's shoulder and intertwining himself with the dentist tools. As he landed on the floor, surrounded with the metal instruments, he smiled at the dentist and stood up, brushing off his cape and scratching the long scar down his face. "I will wait outside for you Darren and then can we please leave I am afraid of getting sunburn. It is only a light cotton fibre and it will not hold off the sun long." He stated and made his way outside. When Darren came out he found Crepsley staring at a small child who was giving him evil glares. "Excuse me ma'am but your child seems to have a certain dislike for me." The woman pulled his child back as Mr Crepsley gave a cynical look and followed Darren outside into the cold air. "I am not sure I like your dentist. He seems… like a Vampaneze member. He is quite strange do you not agree? Perhaps he is a vampet. It would not surprise me if I am honest." Darren nodded and followed him back to the cirque.

"Mr Crepsley, thanks for coming with me. I really needed that extra support when I was there because ya know, they are scary."

"I know Darren but I want you to know that I will no longer accompany you to the dentist. I fear I may lash out at him with one of his whirring tool like things. How is your filling?" He asked trying to see inside his mouth.

"Good, good it doesn't hurt. How's your… hair?"

"Oh you know, usual." He smiled and made his way back into his coffin. "Goodnight Darren." He called and closed the lid.

"Night old man." He replied, smiling to himself as he ran over to Evra and showed him the _power ranger's _sticker he had received at the dentist.

"Old man? He must misunderstand my youthful figure. Must be puberty." He muttered and slipped his eyes closed.

**A/N: So so so sorry for the wait but I completely forgot about this. :D Hope it was worth the wait and I promise I'll update sooner than I did. Enjoy guys and keep reviewing. :D **


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